This day happened.
It didn't start out too badly mind you. Sure, I didn't get to see the cool Scottish girl in my radio class that I seem to be on friendly terms with, but I could work with that. It wasn't the end of the world. No, it's what happened after that, in the late afternoon that broke it for me.
I had plans for this upcoming week. Monday is a public holiday, and I was going to spend it relaxing and catching up on sleep. See university doesn't let me have much sleep. Seriously. My average amount of sleep during the week is 6 hours. You know how sometimes in The Simpsons a character who's really tired will sometimes fall asleep mid-sentence? That actually, literally happens to me now. I've just recently recovered from the second cold-sore to be caused entirely from assignments. I needed a rest.
Then on Thursday I was going to see my friend. She's a great friend. She's one of the very, very few people who actually take the effort to reach out and contact me on a frequent basis. Unlike a lot of the people I'm in the same building with for most of the week, she actually seems to care about me. I'm always happy to spend time with friends like that, and I had put forward Thursday, my day off (though I almost never get it off because of assignments), to see her. I feel like I'm pierced with a silver knife when I think of how disappointed she'll be that I can't make it.
But then the two other people I have to do a video assignment with have set up times for it on Monday and Thursday. So now neither of those two things can happen. I have to get up at the same time on Monday as I would if it weren't a holiday. I have to march into town on Thursday. I imagine I'll probably end up being forced to stay on Friday, my birthday as well.
And that's not even the only assignment I have to do. There's also an essay I have due in on Thursday. 2500 words. Given to a person who struggles to barely write 1600. Which means all of Wednesday, effectively a second break for me since I have nothing keeping me there after 10 in the morning, is going to be taken up too.
I have, or at least try to have, a life outside of university. I'm not some sort of printing press that can just churn out essays. I'm a person. I have other things I want to do. I want to get back to painting my models. There's a forest I'm working on at the moment, and it's been weeks since I started and I've only finished one tree. I wanted to finish it in the long weekend, then post it up with some backstory about the place my Elves (see one of the last posts) live in. I have a couple of other things that need writing too, not essays, but stories that I contribute. I want to go and see a movie with my friend from high school, and make sure she's ok.
But I can't. There's just no time. There's assignments to do, and then exams after that, and then a whole other semester after that, and then a whole other year after that, and then I'll have to find a living, and then keep doing that till the end of my days. It's just one big grind that doesn't end. And there's just no time for anything else.
I feel like I'm being slowly crushed to death. I feel like River in the R. Tam sessions, or like the monochrome world in the And We Run video (only this time there is neither a technicoloured wonderworld outside to escape to nor a Sharon Den Adel to encourage me on).
The next librarything is on the 12th of June. I don't know what will happen there. It's the Thursday after the 6th of June though, which is the anniversary of the Normandy Landings in the Second World War. So maybe cake or something.
I think that's all for now. I have to find some dark quiet corner now to try and cry myself to sleep, for however long that sleep may be..